Billy Masters 05.01.25

"I mean, he's ... look, the guy's a pope killer, okay?"

‑ Bowen Yang tells the ladies of "The View" his opinion on JD Vance. Joy Behar was quick to smooth any ruffled feathers. "He doesn't mean it literally - he's talking spiritually." Is he?

"Listen, my children, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere. On the eighteenth of April, in seventy-five; hardly a man is now alive who remembers that famous day and year." That's how Henry Wadsworth Longfellow began his 1860 poem about Paul Revere's ride. Today, the only one still alive who remembers that famous ride is Dame Joan Collins! This ride has always been celebrated in my native hamlet of Medford. Fun fact - Revere never said "The British are coming". After all, everyone was British! He said, "The Regulars are coming out." Even back then, coming out was big news! In Medford, he alerted Captain Isaac Hall. During my childhood, Hall's home was the Gaffey Funeral Parlor. Someone playing the good Captain would pop out of the second-floor window in a nightcap and ask what all the ruckus was about. Then he'd invite Revere in for a cup of rum. Oh, as kids we enjoyed this pageantry...and the rum! Today, Hall's house is the Islamic Cultural Center. On this 250th anniversary, Hall still popped out the window, put down his prayer rug, faced Mecca, and the tradition continued.

You heard it here first. Sure, everyone saw the photos of Robert Irwin posing in his skivvies with a python. But I believe I was the first to get a glimpse of something big. Lo and behold, he's been cast on "Dancing with the Stars". Am I the only one envisioning some version of "I'm a Slave 4U" with the snake? Or, perhaps, whatever song La Toya was singing while a snake was wrapped around her nether regions? Come to think of it, there may not have actually been a song. And that video might not have been on MTV. It might have been the Playboy Channel.

Rosie O'Donnell has expressed shock that Ellen DeGeneres (and Portia) also left the US. "I've never really known Ellen to say anything political in her life, so I was surprised to read that she left because of President Trump. Like, that shocked me, actually." Without getting into her issues with Ellen (and vice versa), Rosie wishes her well. "I don't want to fight against another gay woman. It's not like we're tenaciously opposed to each other. We're just very different people. We have had some stuff in the past that was never resolved. And not in any way as, as partners or lovers or anything like that. Just as friends and comedians. But I wish her the best. I seriously do."

And, now, a public service announcement - one I feel compelled to make before it leads to an inevitable tragedy. I believe the time has come for someone to put seat belts on any chair Liza Minnelli sits in. There she was, chatting with RuPaul, being honored for basically remaining conscious for so long. She's moving, and spinning, and shaking, and twitching. At one point, her head is on her lap and one of her legs is in the air - a position I'm not unfamiliar with! What was going on? It was like she was auditioning for Mummenschanz! At a certain point, I needed a Dramamine. I'm all for live and let live - but please, Liza, live and stay safe.

Friends were sure I heard about "Ugly Betty" alum Eric Mabius' scuffle with the law. But, what can I say - he's really not on my radar. I feel I'm not alone in that department, so let me share the sordid details in case you don't know and/or care. I should start by saying it happened in Florida - where most sordid stories start. The incident happened in Fernandina, Florida - which is just outside of Jacksonville (oh, this just keeps getting worse). Eric was at a bar with a female companion, who was asked repeatedly to leave after other patrons complained about her rude behavior. How rude? At one point, she was spitting on people. Ah, that Eric Mabius - he's got an eye for the classy ladies. When his companion spit on another woman, a tussle ensued. That's when Mabius sprung to action and somehow knocked both gals to the ground. Here's where it gets good, according to the police report of what happened to the alleged victim: "Eric got on top of her and was pulling her hair, ripping a handful of her hair from her scalp!" OUCH! Once police arrived, Mabius "became more belligerent" and attempted to leave the scene. Police had him sit on a bench and arrested him for "resisting without violence". Well, they didn't want him to pull their hair!! This led to a doozy of a mugshot, in which he is wearing what I hope is an ensemble provided by the penal system. I can just picture him explaining to his cellmates why he's in the pokey. "I pulled a girl's hair!"

A different type of show happened at the Broadway production of "Sunset Blvd". A matinee had to be cancelled due to some technical difficulty with the sound system. What made this a column-worthy item is that the audience was informed of the snafu by Norma Desmond herself. Nicole Scherzinger told them they could go to the box office and get tickets to an alternate performance or could get a refund. But before they left, she wanted to give them something for their trouble. Brandishing a bullhorn and playing a backing track through her cell phone, Scherzy belted out "With One Look" - to considerable applause. You can see her impromptu performance on BillyMasters.com.

Elsewhere on Broadway, "Pirates! The Penzance Musical" opened at the Roundabout Theatre. While any chance to see Ramin Karimloo unbuckle his swash is OK in my book, we send kudos (whatever they are) to the fantastic Jinkx Monsoon, who is assuming the role of Ruth, played by Angela Lansbury in the Kevin Kline film. Jinkx is getting rave reviews for her comic turn. There is even talk that she could snag a Tony nomination. Stay tuned.

When the Tonys are distributed on June 8th, someone very special will be getting a very special award. It's just been announced that the recipient of the 2025 Lifetime Achievement Tony Award will be.... Harvey Fierstein! "Harvey Fierstein's contributions to the American theatre, both as an artist and activist, represent an extraordinary legacy," said the committee about the four-time Tony winner (in competition, Miss Streisand).

Last week, I was delighted to return to "Billy Masters LIVE!" and bring back our most popular guest - Bruce Vilanch. We primarily focused on "It Seemed Like a Bad Idea at the Time" - his book about writing for some less-than-stellar works of stage, screen, and television. We spoke primarily of "The Star Wars Holiday Special", "The Paul Lynde Halloween Special", "The Brady Bunch Hour", and "Can't Stop the Music" - because you know how much I enjoy an Altovise Davis story. We also touched on Carol Channing, Charo, and his aborted effort for Bravo. The book is loads of fun - as is our chat, which you can watch on BillyMasters.tv or on our YouTube channel.

This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Harry in Dallas: "What is up with Shannon Sharpe? He was willing to pay someone $10 million to settle rape allegations? Is this the same person he was f*&!ing in that video?"

This is SO not my m tier, but I've been assured that these are two separate stories (perhaps even more). Regarding the video which we posted weeks ago, Sharpe left an Instagram Live running while he had a tryst with an unknown woman in a hotel room. While we see precious little, what we hear sounds consensual - and somewhat energetic. The legal problems stem from the former pro-football player being accused of assaulting a woman back in 2023. He claims the allegations are false and that it's all a "shakedown" - which seemed plausible until we heard he offered the gal $10 million to go away. She refused the offer. Anyone turning down $10 million is looking for something more than money. Needless to say, Sharpe had to step away from his ESPN duties until this resolves.

When Jinkx could star in a reboot of "Murder, She Wrote", it's definitely time to end yet another column. I know you're all wondering when I will do the next "Billy Masters LIVE!". I have a few ideas in the works. I suppose the best way to keep tabs on me is to check out www.BillyMasters.com - the site that still enjoys a bit of rum! If you have a question, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before JD Vance kills again! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.