Billy Masters 02.19.26

"I got an exclusive campaign for Gucci when Tom Ford was running it. I flew to Italy for the runway show. He puts me in a pink Speedo. I know exactly how much I weighed: 178 pounds. He was like, 'He's too fat,' and I got fired."
— Ashton Kutcher. As luck would have it, I'm in Europe, roughly 170 pounds and about to put on my pink Speedo!

It's a small world after all, as the song says. This was driven home during my endless overseas excursions. Last week, I was in a remote area of Bulgaria—a country made up of nothing but remote areas. Being the capitalist pig I am, I ordered dinner to be delivered (I can only struggle to pronounce letters shaped like the number "3" for so long). I got a call that my food was downstairs. The delivery guy explained that he realized my phone number was from the United States because he had been there. "Where?" I asked. Massachusetts. I tell him I'm from Massachusetts. Turns out he spent the summer in Provincetown—working in places like Bayside Betsy's and the Governor Bradford Inn. "By working there for three months, I could pay for a year of college and living expenses here." Big Daddy Masters used to tell me how he'd work all summer to pay for a year at Boston University. It's nice to know the American Dream is still alive...as long as you don't live in America!

Even though I'm abroad, I still tuned in for the Super Bowl. Well, parts of the Super Bowl. I actually remembered it was Super Bowl Sunday when I saw a post on Twitter/X for Duolingo (I'm in the middle of a 3+ year streak). Something about a guy painted green, wearing tight CK hip briefs, and a Duo head seemed vaguely familiar. Then I remembered—last year, a USC student won West Hollywood's Halloween Carnaval by dressing up as the Duolingo mascot. The Duo dude in question was fitness fanatic Dima, known online as @dima.is.fit (fit people get right to the point). His "costume" caught the attention of someone in corporate, and the rest is history.

Speaking of good costumes, Apple TV+ has been shooting their limited series "Wild Things", based on the ambiguously gay "magicians", Siegfried and Roy. Jude Law plays Siegfried, and Andrew Garfield plays Mantecore's appetizer. Andy won't have to worry—the folks at Apple will only be employing CGI tigers. Where's the fun in that? The boys look great in their costumes, as you'll see from the photos on our website.

Sandra Bernhard has been cast in season four of "The White Lotus". The destination will be Saint-Tropez, and one can only hope Miss Sandi plays some rich bitch in custom couture instead of one of the scullery maids (although that might be fun, too). Others in the cast include Helena Bonham Carter, Steve Coogan, Caleb Jonte Edwards, Marissa Long, Alexander Ludwig, Chris Messina and AJ Michalka. Stay tuned.

Isaac Mizrahi knows a thing or two about clothing. But he may be losing it. He recently discussed dressing Gwyneth Paltrow in the '90s (the first thing people with dementia do is talk about the past). "She would leave after things, and I'd say that girl has the most fabulous ass I've ever seen. She has the best ass in show business, I mean that." It's sad when you see it happening. Isaac may soon be ready for Jell-O and mahjong.

Luke Evans will have some nifty friends joining him in the Broadway revival of "The Rocky Horror Show". Most inspiring is the casting of Rachel Dratch as the Narrator. And, while one rarely hears of Juliette Lewis these days, I bet she'll be a kooky Magenta. Andrew Durand should make a tasty Brad.

By the by, I just read about "By Design", a movie starring Juliette Lewis. Here's the plot: "A woman swaps bodies with a chair." And, I kid you not, people are saying she's great. "The role Juliette Lewis was born to play"—says Billy Masters. Put that on the side of a bus!

Two daytime talkers are hanging it up after this year. Kelly Clarkson is ending her talk show after seven years to concentrate more on family and music. And Sherri Shepherd's show will end after her fourth season. The timing is perfect, since Sherri is in the middle of a comedy tour. Check out her dates on SherriShepherd.com.

There are two things we can count on in February: the groundhog looking for his shadow, and Customs and Border Protection Agents looking for passengers possessing drugs on a gay cruise. This year was no different—the groundhog did indeed see his shadow, and nine passengers attempting to board an Atlantis Events cruise out of Fort Lauderdale were arrested on drug charges. Why, oh why, can't these guys just bring a few pills hidden in their Balzac? But, no, they bring enough drugs to "distribute" to other revelers—and that's when problems occur. While the mainstream press has named them all, I'm going to single out one person because he's kinda a public figure. That would be Joshua Eddy of West Hollywood, who did gay porn for Sean Cody under the name Eddie Burke. He is currently a popular content provider for OnlyFans under the name "Beefy ginger bro next door". And he's also an attorney—talk about versatility! He faces felony charges of trafficking 19.3 grams of MDMA, 3.4 grams of ketamine, 7.55 grams of methamphetamine, and 80 grams of GBL—you know, just to take the edge off! He's scheduled to be arraigned in Miami-Dade Court on April 2nd—should you need a fix around then.

These days, there's a convention for everything. It of course started with the granddaddy of them all—ComicCon. And our people love to go to BravoCon. Then we got ChristmasCon for devotees of Hallmark Channel movies. Since this is not an officially sanctioned event, it takes place in Edison, New Jersey (oh, the indignity). But it attracts quite a number of Hallmark regulars like Tyler Hynes, Lacey Chabert, Jonathan Bennett, Ryan Pavey, and even Rachel Boston—who isn't from Boston. Given that success, Hallmark has started an official event. Hallmark Christmas Experience takes place in Kansas City, within spitting distance of Hallmark headquarters. And it's not a one weekend event—it's every weekend between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Not to be outdone, "Dancing with the Stars" has a con of their own—aside from the liberal use of the word "stars". Fans can meet some of their favorites at DWTS Con July 31st through August 2nd in Palm Springs at the Acrisure Arena. Some of the "stars" scheduled to attend will be Hannah Brown, Danielle Fishel, Xochitl Gomez, Joey Graziadei, Elaine Hendrix, Rashad Jennings, Amanda Kloots, Whitney Leavitt, Phaedra Parks, Jojo Siwa, Johnny Weir, Rumer Willis, Kristi Yamaguchi and Ginger Zee. The pros on the leaderboard include Brandon Armstrong, Lindsay Arnold, Rylee Arnold, Alan Bersten, Hailey Bills, Sharna Burgess, Witney Carson, Val Chmerkovskiy, Sasha Farber, Jenna Johnson, Daniella Karagach, Pasha Pashkov, Jan Ravnik, Gleb Savchenko, Emma Slater, Ezra Sosa, and Britt Stewart. As if that weren't enough, we're told Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba will represent the judges. Throw in Tom Bergeron, and you could film a season!

For our Olympic moment, a story from the cutthroat world of competitive curling. That's a sport where two teams attempt to manipulate a granite stone on the ice by swirling some kind of mop. Picture bringing your Swiffer to the local ice rink. The incident in question took place during a nail-biter between Canada and Sweden. One reporter captured the drama this way: "The Swedes believed one of the Canadians was repeatedly double-touching some of his stones." And you thought "Heated Rivalry" was intense! Marc Kennedy from the Canadian team wasn't taking the Swedish accusations lightly. "I don't like being accused of cheating after 25 years on tour and four Olympic Games. So I told him where to stick it."

Our "Ask Billy" question came from Mark in Boston: "During Bad Bunny's halftime show at about the four-minute mark, you see two guys grinding up against each other behind the open door of a white pickup truck. I thought maybe they might be famous (or semi-famous). Maybe models or porn stars. Do you know who they are?"

Mark wasn't the only one who picked up on this. Moments after the camera panned past these two men dancing inside an open truck door, the clip went viral. I think the first person to post the meme was Louisa Jacobson from "The Gilded Age", who captioned it "Important!" One of the men is Dan Santiago, a 30-year-old dancer from NYC who previously performed with Bad Bunny on "Saturday Night Live". "There were a lot of intentionally fluid pairings in the show reflecting the sense of unity the show was trying to convey," says Dan. He added that both he and his dancing partner, Igor Farina, are straight, but they "feel honored to represent the LGBTQ community." "To me, being part of this moment wasn't about performing queerness; it was about freedom and representing a community that deserves to be seen." And see it you will on BillyMasters.com.

When I'm trying to squeeze my Balzac into Ashton's pink Speedo, it's time to end another column. If you wanna check out the latest gossip, sit right down on Juliette Lewis and head on over to www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never leaves a stone unturned. If you've got a question, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Dan or Igor turn up on "Dancing with the Stars". Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.