Billy Masters 12.11.25
"If I can't beat out Jimmy Kimmel in terms of talent, then I don't think I should be president."
- President Donald Trump's opinion prior to hosting the Kennedy Center Honors. Finally, something we agree on. And I'd like to hold him to that.
For the past three weeks, I've been addicted to the UK's "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!" I was drawn in by the promise of viewing Ruby Wax braving the Australian jungle. But these shows have an insidious way of making you care about the most unlikely people—whether it's a plus-sized soap opera queen, a young tattooed rapper, or Jack Osbourne! Like Ruby, I also fell under the spell of dashing dandy, Tom Read Wilson. But for the most part, this season has been devoid of hunky men. Happily, some previous participants popped up on the wrap-up show—Sam Thompson springs to mind. Given the dearth of testosterone, I even found myself ogling Kelly Brook. But that's because I was picturing her straddling her Italian fitness model husband Jeremy Parisi.
How do you define a tryst? According to Merriam-Webster (whoever she is), it's "a private romantic rendezvous between lovers." Needless to say, "trysting" is a big part of Provincetown's charm. Now it will be happening on a formal basis through Tristan Schukraft—which I know sounds like the name of an extra in "Nuremberg". He is the latest owner of West Hollywood institution "The Abbey". He also owns properties in Fire Island, Puerto Vallarta, and now, Provincetown. When he purchased The Crown & Anchor, his plans included changing the name of the hotel to The Tryst Provincetown. "The Crown & Anchor is at the heart of that story; it's been the stage, the dance floor, and Provincetown's unofficial town square. Our goal is to honor that legacy while evolving it for the future, ensuring it remains a vibrant, inclusive home for generations to come." While that's a lovely sentiment, what one sees less and less at The Abbey is gay men. That's primarily because West Hollywood has become less and less gay due to the price of real estate. Ptown is in a similar situation. But I'm remaining optimistic.
Last week, something very queer happened only a few miles from West Hollywood. At 6533 Hollywood Boulevard, Sarah Paulson received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Her partner, the formidable Holland Taylor, was by her side, as was Ryan Murphy, who has long considered Paulson one of his creative muses (fun fact—Murphy also has a place in Ptown). Spotted at the festivities were Niecy Nash and her wife Jessica Betts. You'll recall that Niecy recently asked Sarah if she might be up for some wife swapping. What better way to celebrate the occasion? If the boulevard is a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'.
What do all the successful film franchises have in common? Apparently, they all have roles perfect for Scarlett Johansson. Somehow she is credited with the success of the "Jurassic" series reboot. Silly me, I thought it was the dinosaurs. In the past week, Mrs. Jost's presence has been requested for two additional staples in the cinema. She'll headline the next "Exorcist" film, and is in talks to appear in the latest "Batman".
Our own Andrew Scott (the hot priest from "Fleabag") has joined the cast of Lisa Kudrow's occasional series, "The Comeback"—which comes around every decade or so. We don't know much about his involvement, except he will be playing "a very important character". Since the death of Robert Michael Morris (who played Val's devoted Mickey), she's definitely in need of an ally...perhaps a gay one.
It's just been announced that Nathan Lane will helm a Broadway revival of "Death of a Salesman". He'll be joined by Laurie Metcalf as his devoted wife Linda. I guess the real news is that the producing team of this revival will be Barry Diller and Scott Rudin! The casting of Lane in a quintessentially heterosexual role belies the argument that gays can only play gay. Note his most recent effort was Hulu's "Mid-Century Modern". Surely, two roles couldn't be more different. But Lane, one of our greatest actors, effortlessly transcends pigeonholing.
This issue came up again with HBO's new series "Heated Rivalry". Given the subject matter, I'm surprised more of you haven't written in. Surely my mentioning it will translate into tens of more viewers and an inevitable ratings spike. The show centers around two closeted hockey players in their mid-20s. Since it's a "rivalry", you won't be surprised to learn one of the players is Canadian, while the other is Russian. And the "heated" part—well, I suppose that's self-explanatory. CNN said it best in the headline for their review: "'Heated Rivalry' is everything you love about rom-coms but with less pants". Believe it or not, that didn't even come from Anderson Cooper!
While nobody has sent in a question, series creator Jacob Tierney was asked about the sexuality of his leads, Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie. So I guess this week it's an "Ask Jacob" question. And this is how he answered: "I don't think there's any reason to get into that stuff. I'll tell you something about the casting of both of these roles. You can't ask questions like that when you're casting, right? It's actually against the law. So what you have to gauge is somebody's enthusiasm and willingness to do the work." Clearly he found two people who did just that—enough so that people are speculating about their sexuality. "That's what's so impressive about both of these guys is they came into this being like, 'Yeah, we're here to do this, and we are here to make this story feel authentic and to be as real as possible.' And they fucking hit it out of the park." And isn't that the point? I don't believe Nathan Lane was ever a travelling salesman...or married to a woman! But if he can make me believe that, then he's done his job. If you believe you have a shot with either of these hockey players, they've done their job. And speaking of jobs, there's quite a few "jobs" the boys perform on each other, which you can see on BillyMasters.com.
Some people believe certain things should remain private. Obviously some people ain't me. Last week, Matt Rogers was on "Elle" magazine's "Phoning It In". If, like me, you have no idea what this is, the guest makes prank calls to friends and tries to rile them up with an outrageous lie. For instance, Matt called Bowen Yang to accuse him of sexting with his "Below Deck" beau, Fraser Olender. Obviously a lie. However, things got dicey when Matt called the aforementioned Olender to say he's been asked to do a full-frontal nude scene in a film. Fraser's response? "Absolutely not. I really don't think that's a good idea." Rogers doubled down, saying the film starred Jessica Chastain and had Oscar buzz—clearly only a foreigner would believe that! Fraser stuck to his guns: "Absolutely not. I mean, listen, you do you. I'll support you 100%. Some things are not necessarily meant to be televised. That could be the British in me." When Matt got home, perhaps the British was in him!
And like a flare-up of herpes, we're back with "Billy's Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions". But, have no fear—the worst injury you'll receive from these gifts is a paper cut. Because this week, we're bringing you books. The first one comes from Carol Leifer—the legendary scribe who has written for everyone, from Letterman to Seinfeld. So needless to say, her book "How to Write a Funny Speech" really delivers. And it just went into its third printing. Carol is selling copies of her book in a fascinating way. If you need to buy a perfect gift for someone under $25, you can buy the book directly from her. She'll inscribe it anyway you'd like, she'll mail it out, and she'll only charge you $20! DM her on social media and tell her Billy sent you.
Next up is our pal Judy Gold. Back in 2019, she wrote "Yes I Can Say That—When They Come For The Comedians, We're All In Trouble". It's like she was psychic! It made our list that year. And here it is, in another printing due to the timeliness of the issue. "No one makes me laugh harder than Judy Gold. If I had to pick one comedian to write a book about free speech, it would be Judy." You know who said that? Amy Schumer. Who am I to argue with her? If you know someone who needs a laugh that will also make them think, this is perfect.
When we don't have room for an "Ask Billy" question because we had an "Ask Jacob" question, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. And let me thank Jacob for not answering the question about the actors playing gay hockey players. Frankly, I'd rather fantasize about them pucking! And you can check them out on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that always lets you score. Should you have a question for me (or Jacob), send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Fraser exclaims, "The British are cumming!" Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.