Billy Masters 08.07.25
"I am not an incredibly prejudiced person but, when it comes to heterosexual men, I don't get them. They're a bunch of a@%holes. There are so few heterosexual men that I know that I look up to."
- Harvey Fierstein on the subject of straight men. I guess it's about perspective. I've not looked up to many, but I've certainly looked down on a few—and I found them quite adept at the job at hand.
If there's one thing I am loath to do, it's promote someone else's column. But when the someone else is Dame Joan Collins—well, reason goes out the window. She's not the competition, she's a legend. Her column appears in "The Spectator" in London. Here's a sample of her scribbling: "Several news outlets are reporting the surge in the dangerous crossings of immigrants coming to our shores, and the cost of giving them succour." Let me pause here to try and eradicate the image of Collins giving succour to an eager line of anyone. "But I'm seeing an invasion of a different sort—the proliferation of rental bikes and powered scooters that litter our pavements. I've recently been almost run over twice by 'Lime bikes'. I've also tripped over a bunch of discarded cycles on the streets of Belgravia." For the love of God—keep the Lime bikes (and scooters) away from Dame Joan! We can't have her mowed down in her prime. We're thisclose away from her centennial, and I refuse to cancel those festivities due to a broken hip. Admittedly, the three wigs she wears simultaneously should cushion the fall and avoid a concussion. In fact, they could act as a helmet should she wish to ride one of the aforementioned scooters. God save the Queen!
You may recall Mario Paglino and Gianni Grossi as Barbie doll designers who made some unofficial Madonna dolls that were presented to her on "The Graham Norton Show" (she was less than gracious). Alas, the duo was killed in an auto accident in Italy—where car fatalities are an art form. The incident took place between Piedmont and Lombardy, when someone driving the wrong way struck them head—on. Mattel issued a statement mourning their loss (they operated under the name Magia2000) and put a spotlight on their artistry and philanthropy. "Their generosity was boundless, creating countless dolls to be auctioned to benefit charities close to fellow collectors' hearts. Barbie is better because they loved the brand, and our beloved collector community is richer for having known them and shared in their passion. Barbie honors their memory with deep gratitude".
On the eve of publishing this column, I witnessed Pamela Anderson as Marguerite Gautier—otherwise known as Camille. But she wasn't in "Camille"—oh, that would be so pedestrian. No, she was in Tennessee Williams' "Camino Real" at the Williamstown Theatre Festival. While the play is minor Williams, the role was once notably played by Jessica Tandy. And I ask you, when else do you think you're going to get to see Pamela Anderson play a role previously played by Jessica Tandy? Sure, I long for her "Streetcar" (I mean...Ann-Margret), but it likely won't happen. I wouldn't rule out "Driving Miss Daisy"—with George Wallace as Hoke! "Miss Daisy—the tassel just fell off your right breast. Please cover your areola, for pity's sake!" Oh, that Southern gentility.
Back to "Camino Real". I give Pamela enormous credit for the venture. Yes, there is some prestige to this festival, but it's off the beaten path, no big press, no big money. But the chance to act in a Tennessee Williams play. And act she does. OK, in quiet, conversational scenes, she needs to work on projecting. But her intentions are always clear and committed. Physically she throws herself into the role fearlessly—the end of Act 1 is staggering and ferocious. It's a stylized, over—the—top approach that might make her a good fit for a project with Charles Busch (who himself made a fetching Camille). Alongside Miss Anderson was Nicholas Alexander Chavez, who you may know from "General Hospital", or from his pink Speedo as Lyle Menendez. Here he plays Kilroy, a faded boxer who looks better in a wet T-shirt than his co-star! Yes, he has the look and the attitude. But it was his performance that astounded. He's the real deal. Swagger and charisma alongside charm and sincerity. There are comparisons to Brando and talk of him being a future Stanley. But personally, I'd love to see him as Tom in "Glass Menagerie". Chavez and Anderson share a lovely scene near the end of "Camino Real". And the only place you can see it is on BillyMasters.com.
Hot on the heels of winning a Tony Award for "Sunset Blvd", Nicole Scherzinger has announced a handful of concert dates. There's even talk of a Vegas residency. But she may not be done playing Norma Desmond. Rumor has it, she's the latest frontrunner for a film version of the musical. To clinch the deal, she's in talks to bring the stage version to Hollywood's Pantages Theatre or the Ahmanson. Stay tuned...
Drama seems to follow some people. Take Todrick Hall. Everything is always a nightmare. This is not meant to disparage his talent, which is abundant. He's currently in the live stage version of that Cher flick "Burlesque". Todrick was hired to play the role of Sean by writer and former hottie Steve Antin—who also asked for some songs and choreography. Due to some skullduggery, Toddy ended up the de facto director. He issued a long, rambling statement defending the barbs against him. I don't know the details, but when you say, "I have never engaged in anything with a minor," you can bet your ass there's a story. One theatre insider quipped, "If ALL of your projects have drama, then YOU may be the problem!" But Billy, I can hear you cry—what about the show? Critics seem perplexed. One reported the journey like this: "Now directed by its star Todrick Hall, the stage musical 'Burlesque' comes to London in much the same way that my parents did some 60 years ago: poor and in need of work."
Elsewhere in London, my pals the Lythgoes are working on a musical version of "To Sir, With Love", which first got an invitation—only reading under the auspices of my beloved Ogunquit Playhouse. I believe Wayne Brady played "Sir" on that occasion. I'm told it went very well. Now Kris Lythgoe tells me they're trying it out in London's West End. The Gillian Lynne Theatre will host two staged readings on November 24th, at 2:30PM and 7:45PM. And the incomparable Lulu will be there to sing the song! Get your tickets at LWTheatres.co.uk.
Just when you thought you'd heard the last of the Jussie Smollett "situation", a new chapter is in the works. A documentary is being readied for Netflix which will be called "The Truth About Jussie Smollett?" The question mark is notable, particularly since Jussie has committed to giving them an interview and telling the truth—whatever he thinks that is. "With first—hand interviews from those at the helm, including investigating police, lawyers, journalists and Jussie himself, this compelling documentary invites the audience to decide for themselves who is telling 'The Truth About Jussie Smollett?'" To coin a phrase, I'll believe it when I see it.
Then there's also a new documentary about Joan Rivers in the works. While most would consider 2010's "Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work" to be definitive, this new venture comes ten years after the legend's death and includes many previously unseen video and audio recordings.
"And Just Like That..."...cancelled. OK, the creatives claim they pulled the plug, but make no mistake—if it was a hit and HBO wanted more, there would be more. Sarah Jessica spoke for herself and creator Michael Patrick King by saying, "MPK and I together recognized, as we have in the past, this chapter complete." So the big question—is Cattrall going to be in the finale? My sources say no. Kim posted "It's the end of a very long week." Amen.
The long rumored—about reboot of "Murder, She Wrote" is moving forward. As the latter—day Jessica Fletcher, Jamie Lee Curtis slips into Dame Angela Lansbury's sensible shoes. Whether it will be an effortless fit remains to be seen. On the red carpet for "Freakier Friday", she told "Entertainment Tonight", "Oh, it's happening...We're a minute away, but yeah, I'm very excited. Very excited. But I'm tamping down my enthusiasm until we start shooting. I have a couple of other things to hustle, but then I'll get to enjoy that work." Well, if Kathy Bates can play "Matlock" and Latifah can (briefly) play "The Equalizer"...
Dermot Mulroney says that there is "talk of a sequel" to "My Best Friend's Wedding". When asked to elaborate, he said, "I know nothing about it"—in his best John Banner impression (look it up, kids). He added, "Last I heard, 'lawyers were talking'." Julia Roberts was recently asked what would be the point of a sequel: "Because there's so many people in it, and to see what they're doing and how Kimmy and Michael's marriage is going."
When we're bringing you two sets of tits for the price of one, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. It's no exaggeration to say that Nicholas Alexander Chavez is more busty than his co—star. You can see it/them for yourself on www.BillyMasters.com—the site where we say a little prayer for all the projects in development. Before we wrap, we must bid adieu to another of our favorite buxom blondes, Loni Anderson. She was a memorable guest in our first season of "Billy Masters LIVE", which I'll post on our website. We didn't have room for an "Ask Billy" question. Rest assured I always respond to my readers. Just drop a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Nicholas and Pamela reunite for "Glass Menagerie"—with Pamela as Amanda (or Laura). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.