Billy Masters 05.30.24

Share this Post:
Photo by Condé Nast, via Wikimedia Commons.
Photo by Condé Nast, via Wikimedia Commons.

"If it's not gratuitous nudity, I'm down for it. If it makes sense, and it's authentic, and true to the character and the scene given circumstances, then I'm 100% in."

—Taylor Zakhar Perez shares his thoughts on film nudity. Perhaps we'll see more than just his ass in the "Red, White & Royal Blue" sequel. Sure, he's nude in a group shower scene in HBO's "Minx", but that mass of pubic hair clearly indicates that it's a prosthetic. But it's still worth seeing on

I can neither confirm nor deny my presence at the Cannes Film Festival. I can confirm that I am in a city dripping in wealth where the English language is regularly butchered. But that could mean I'm in Las Vegas. I can confirm that I am overseas—in Europe, actually. And I have been embroiled in a number of international affairs. But enough about my sex life.

One of the hits of Cannes has been "The Apprentice"—a film about the early days of Donald Trump and his mentor, Roy Cohn. One would think sexy Sebastian Stan—who recently played rocker Tommy Lee—was miscast. And yet, Stan eerily embodies the young Trump who, it should be acknowledged, was somewhat of a looker in his youth. The audience gave the flick an eleven-minute standing ovation—although I can tell you from personal experience that most people at Cannes get up quickly to beat the crowds out. The former El Presidente is trying to get the film banned in the US—and the producers have been sent a cease and desist letter and threatened with legal action...because Trump has been so lucky in court. The producers claim it is "fair and balanced"—although one wonders how to confirm The Donald getting liposuction (the alleged rape of wife Ivana was documented in her 1990 divorce deposition). This may all be a moot point because no distributor has gobbled up the flick, despite producers hoping for a pre-election US release. Rumor has it the film may turn up on a streaming service.

Speaking of rumors, Cate Blanchett is also at Cannes with a film called "Rumours", about seven world leaders facing untold challenges whilst getting lost in the woods. When asked about the project, Cate said, "It's not trying to be an important film with a message." How refreshing. She added, "I think if you try to make sense of this movie, you'll feel like you're losing your mind." I have a pill for that!

Pope Francis recently sat down with "60 Minutes". Let that sink in—the pope is doing primetime. Not only that, but he spoke to a female journalist. This ain't your parents' pope, that's for sure. During his chat with Norah O'Donnell, she reminded him that he previously said, "Homosexuality is not a crime." He agreed, adding, "No, it is a human condition." He also reiterated that while he was in favor of priests blessing people in same-sex marriages, he does not endorse priests blessing same-sex marriages—it's a fine line that makes much more sense in Latin! He clarified his stance by saying, "To bless a homosexual-type union, however, goes against the given right, against the law of the church. But to bless each person? Why not? The blessing is for all." That pope—he's being awfully careful with his words. And that's because he doesn't want to be referred to as The Late Pope!

On May 29th, "Still Working 9 to 5" will have a long-delayed Hollywood premiere at the Renberg Theatre at The LGBT Center and be presented under the aegis of the ERA Coalition Forward. This documentary shines a spotlight on the plight of women in the workplace at the time of the film "9 to 5", as well as where things stand today with the long-gestating Equal Rights Amendment. The film was directed and produced by Camille Hardman and Gary Lane (who, with his brother Larry Lane, are the official twins of At the premiere, the ERA Coalition Trailblazer Award will be presented to stars Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin in person—Dolly Parton will accept via video. Also expected to attend are Rosie O'Donnell, Kathy Griffin, Alyssa Milano, Donna Mills, Maxine Waters and, oh yes, CHER! Get tix and details at

A statue called "The Young Lincoln'' can be seen in the rotunda of the Los Angeles Spring Street Courthouse, and it's getting quite a bit of renewed attention. It's an odd resurgence for a statue unveiled in 1941 and paid for by the Federal Works Agency. It is eight feet tall and made of Indiana limestone. The sculptor, James Lee Hansen, won the commission and was paid about $7K (roughly $125K by today's standards). It depicts a young Lincoln barefoot and shirtless with a well-defined physique, wearing jeans and with a thumb in one of the belt loops. I've always thought this was the strapping young lawyer during those four years he lived with Joshua Speed, with whom he also shared a double bed. While I cannot confirm that as the inspiration, the artist has left us some insight. When asked why he had Lincoln half-naked, he said, "From a sculpturing standpoint, it's better to show the body without any clothes. That's why I left 'em off." At the time of the unveiling, some claimed the torso bore a striking resemblance to Hansen himself. Modern critics have called it everything from pornographic to the embodiment of Gavin Newsom. But only Kimberly Guilfoyle knows for sure.

Speaking of politicians (and this is an awkward transition, no matter how you slice it), I've successfully avoided writing about disgraced former Representative George Santos. I didn't even tell you when he started doing Cameo videos as his drag persona Kitara. But I can now reveal that he's married to Matheus "Matt" Gerard. The most surprising part of this story is not that they met on Grindr (which he admits is "pretty sad")—it's that they got married way back in 2021! Funny how nobody unearthed that piece of dish when they were investigating him.

Colton Underwood and hubby Jordan C. Brown have announced that they are expecting their first child. I guess I should have figured this out when Colton started a podcast called "Daddyhood". Sure, he'd put on a few pounds, but I didn't think he was actually showing! Turns out the road to fatherhood has not been smooth. "Right away, my husband gets his results back for his sperm count and he had incredible, great numbers. And I got mine back and all my sperm was dead." Hold on a minute—is Colton saying that he is filled head to toe with dead, useless sperm? Rather than be tasteless (so to speak), I'll simply send my congratulations and move on.

NBCUniversal is still dealing with the lawsuit from former "Real Housewife of New York" Leah McSweeney. They have asked the suit to be tossed out of court for being "threadbare". "While Plaintiff attempts to overwhelm with a 654-page complaint, even a cursory review of her allegations reveals that many concern matters entirely irrelevant to her claims and most are devoid of any factual or legal support, speculative, misleading, and/or demonstrably false." Their conclusions are based on an internal investigation (done by a third party) in which neither McSweeney nor any of the other individuals cited in the complaint were interviewed. Just due to that reason, McSweeney's attorneys say they deserve their day in court. Watch what

Our "Ask Billy" question really gave me an education. Robbie in Saint Louis writes, "I read that Nick Fuentes was streaming gay porn on his phone. Is he gay?"

First I had to figure out who Nick Fuentes is. Apparently he's a famous Holocaust denier—a group of people I admittedly don't keep up with. Last week, visitors to his Twitter/X account found he was streaming gay porn! Very quickly, Fuentes claimed it was the work of a pro-Israeli group. "My proprietary live streaming site was hacked after my stream went offline by someone claiming to be IDF Unit 8200. The hacker took credit by [watermarking] the porn and leaving messages on the back end." Well, if you're gonna leave a message on gay porn, the back end is a good place to start. IDF Unit 8200 is a known intelligence unit that specializes in cyber warfare—although they usually claim responsibility for their attacks, and thus far have remained mum on the Fuentes situation. Someone who hasn't been silent is disgraced former congressman George Santos. "For the love of god! GAYPERS JUST ACCEPT THAT YOUR ZADDY FUENTS IS A HOMO!"

When we're quoting George Santos twice, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. Looking back to Honest Abe, I must confess I've always had an affinity for our beloved 16th president, but not for any of his positions—legal or otherwise. It's because his birthday is February 12th—the day before mine (to say nothing of a few years earlier). This statue clearly demonstrates we have much more in common than I thought, as you'll see on—the site you can read for less than a penny. While I continue to frolic the continent, I am always available to answer your questions. Just drop a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Sebastian Stan plays me in a biopic! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.