Billy Masters 02.08.24

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Photo by Nick Step, via Wikimedia Commons.
Photo by Nick Step, via Wikimedia Commons.

"I personally wouldn't wait two hours to get a hot oil massage from George Clooney, much less a concert by anybody."

— Joy Behar shares her opinion on Madonna's tardiness to her own concerts.

One of the few countries I've not been to is Sweden — which is strange given my penchant for blonds. But I'm going to have to put it on my list for one important reason — I want to go to McSki! Yes, McDonald's has a very popular location in the Lindvallen ski resort, which is roughly 200 miles from Stockholm. We hear that people finish off their runs by stopping by quite literally going to the ski—thru window. Sign me up.

I don't know what caught my eye first. The headline, "Queer Couple Found Guilty of Horrific Murder of Gay Couple's Son" or the photo of the unphotogenic assailants. This crazy crime took place in San Francisco — surprising those of you who think these things only happen in Florida. Gerald Rowe and his partner, Angel Anderson, who is trans, met up with 23-year-old George Randall-Saldivar and had a sexual encounter with him in the Donnelly Hotel — an establishment primarily populated with low-income and homeless people. Amazingly, surveillance video from the apartment captured all of the gruesome details. After the sex, the couple attacked George with a machete — which I don't believe you can buy with food stamps! Randall-Saldivar was placed in a noose and tethered from a pulley hanging from the ceiling — think of Dabney Coleman in "9 to 5". I won't get into the rest of the details — which included pliers, a plastic bag, some fentanyl, a suitcase, and a guitar.

Yet another passenger died on the latest Atlantis cruise. Initially details were slim. All Atlantis would say was that there was a death and it was "unexpected and not suspicious". We now know that person was Jonathan Mindrum from Chicago. His father called Jonathan a "brilliant person as a professional consultant and thinker". Enough said.

If you're not listening to Shannen Doherty's podcast "Let's Be Clear", you're really missing out. So far, she's chatted with Jason Priestley, her cancer doctor (and Liza's bff) Lawrence Piro, and "Charmed" co-star Holly Marie Combs — who chatted about why Shannen got fired. They reveal that Alyssa Milano made formal complaints claiming that Doherty created a "hostile workplace environment". Alyssa allegedly gave the network an ultimatum — "it's her or it's me". In response, Milano firmly stated, "I did not have the power to get anyone fired". She added, "I'm the most sad that a show that has meant so much to so many people has been tarnished by a toxicity that is still to this day, almost a quarter of a century later, still happening. And I'm sad that people can't move past it." Easy to say when you weren't the one fired!

Getting back to Shannen's podcast, one of her guests was pal Chris Cortazzo, realtor to the stars. They spent time talking about Doherty's funeral — as one does. Shan said she wants it to be a party — and would like it to take place in her house. As to the guest list, she was pretty clear. "There's a lot of people that I think would show up that I don't want there. I don't want them there because their reasons for showing up aren't necessarily the best reasons. Like, they don't really like me and, you know, they have their reasons, and good for them. But they don't actually really like me enough to show up at my funeral. But they will, because it's the politically correct thing to do and they don't want to look bad. So I kinda want to take the pressure off them and I want my funeral to be like a love fest. I don't want people to be crying or people to privately be like, 'Thank God that bitch is dead now.'"

Which leads us back to Alyssa Milano. Her latest scandal seems to be one of her own making. It started with her 12-year-old son's basketball team's GoFundMe page, which was raising money for a trip to Cooperstown, NY. Being a good mom, Alyssa shared the campaign on Twitter (now known as X, but I really hate typing that). "Any amount would be so greatly appreciated. You can read more about the team and make a donation." Well, people got angry. One person wrote, "Imagine being so out of touch that you ask your followers to contribute money to your child's trip when you have a net worth of 10 million dollars. That is gross. Pay for it your own damn self." I was totally on Alyssa's side — why should she pay for all these kids? Teach them that they have to raise it themselves. Then I discovered that Alyssa actually started the GoFundMe campaign — under her married name Alyssa Bugliari! I don't know what disappoints me more — that she did this, or wasn't clever enough to cover her tracks? Have we learned nothing from Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman?

Awards season is not limited to Hollywood. Last week, the Oscars of gay porn took place at Resorts World in Las Vegas. And I should know — your beloved Billy Masters was a judge. In fact, I've been a judge every year since the GayVNs began. And you know what that means? All of my trysts are tax deductible. Business expense, sweetie! Alas, I wasn't able to attend in person. But I hear that my pal Alec Mapa once again hosted with aplomb. Congrats to everyone who won, who was nominated, and even those who just showed up!

I heard that the UK docuseries "Panorama" recently did an episode called "The Abercrombie Guys: The Dark Side of Cool". I sat down with my popcorn, ready to watch, when all of a sudden I said, "That's David!" Yes, on the screen as one of the primary talking heads was David Bradberry, who had a litany of stories to tell. But, full disclosure — because I'm sure someone will find photos of us on the Internet — yes, I was close-ish with David shortly after the events he talks about in this doc. Many of you probably remember him from "Below Deck". Getting back to the doc, it's primarily about Mike Jeffries, former CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch and possible victim of some sort of palsy. What this cyclops-esque guy seemed to want more than anything was to look like an A&F boy. What's the next best thing? Surrounding yourself with A&F boys in various forms of undress. Say what you will about Jeffries, he did transform a stodgy company into the "it" brand for a decade or so. Once his peccadilloes became public, he was pushed out and the brand became more diverse and approachable — to the point that nobody slows down by an A&F store anymore, let alone goes in. The other model interviewed is the lovely Barrett Pall — who I don't completely believe or trust. Each of the guys interviewed were clear that while they felt they had to "perform", they were never forced to do anything. And they were always paid for their "services" — and all had some sort of background in payment for sex on some level. To the best of my knowledge, none of them ever ended up working for A&F formally. But some of them did get flown to parties around the world. And got shaved...but that's another story.

In the nick of time, we have an "Ask Billy" question from Patrick in Chicago: "What happened with that reunion Madonna was supposed to have with [former backup singers] Niki and Donna?"

Oh, it's a sad, sad story. Everything I'm going to say at this point should be put under a huge "allegedly" umbrella. What I hear is that someone close to the ladies (allegedly, closer to Donna) reached out to Madonna to say the girls would love to go to the Madison Square Garden show on January 29th. Why that show? Because the duo, who perform as Niki + Donna, would have just wrapped up their weekend gigs at The Green Room 42, just down the street from MSG! We're told that Madonna happily set up tix for her former colleagues in the front row. Fans were excited that there might be some onstage reunion. However, not only was there no reunion, there was not even an acknowledgement from the stage. We hear the gals didn't even get invited to the post—show party. Why? Well, after the tix to the concert were arranged, someone allegedly showed Madonna videos of the duo performing some of her songs...and, let's just say she was not happy. So, while there had been an idea brewing of a reunion onstage to judge the "Vogue" dance—off, Madonna instead invited up her pal Kelly Ripa. Oh, the humanity!

When anyone is being snubbed for Kelly Ripa, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. While the passing of the legendary Chita Rivera is sad, 91 years is an awfully good run. And just a few months ago, Rivera appeared on PBS to celebrate 50 years of "Great Performances". You can see this and so much more on, the site that ain't going anywhere. If you have a question, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Sven and I end my first ski lesson with a Happy (Ending) Meal! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.