Billy Masters 01.08.26

"What in the faggotry are you talking about?"

- Gayle King quotes a Matteo Lane joke to his face. While many people were outraged by Gayle's use of the word "faggotry", Matteo wasn't one of them. He said, "I love you, Gayle King."


Another year, another Year End Review. And not just any Year End Review. This is our 30th. Which makes me...well, a little tired. Days after I celebrated this professional milestone, Big Daddy Masters said farewell. Well, he didn't actually say farewell. I believe his last words to me were, "I'm not sure who you are, but you look like a young Jack Palance." Well, at least he said "young". Rest in peace, Daddy.

When I started this little column in 1995, the Menendez boys were young men, and the murder of their parents had happened six years earlier. Here we are, looking at them through the lens of 2025 sensibilities. Certain evidence has come forward backing up their claims of sexual abuse (just don't back up). They qualified for parole, but were denied. They can try again in three years. I'll still be here.


If we've learned nothing, we've learned that scooters are a death trap. Despite my many tumbles, I never tumbled as hard as Danny Pintauro—but enough about our sex lives! Last Thanksgiving, he was riding a scooter in the bike lane when it was suddenly blocked by a cone pylon. He went to swerve, but a van was there. Danny was literally stuck between a van and a hard pylon. He chose the pylon and was able to report, "The pylons hurt!" His injuries were mostly internal—a tear in his stomach lining, an infection in his bloodstream, and an ICU stay while intubated. His astronomical medical bills required the assistance of a GoFundMe campaign.

Meanwhile in England, Dame Joan Collins was feeling frisky since finishing her flick about the Duchess of Windsor (coming to a streaming channel near you, I'm sure). "I'm seeing an invasion of a different sort—the proliferation of rental bikes and powered scooters that litter our pavements. I've recently been almost run over twice by 'Lime bikes'. I've also tripped over a bunch of discarded cycles on the streets of Belgravia." I believe Joanna Lumley starred in "The Streets of Belgravia". Anyway, Joan tried to get to the other side of the street, but there were barricades on the crosswalk. Take my word for it—there is nothing better than watching a video of Dame Joan Collins trying to cross a street. See it for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

Heidi Klum announced that she negotiated a reunion deal and was returning to "Project Runway". When Tim Gunn called to ask for the details, he got the bad news. "And as Heidi would say, you're either in or you're out. And I'm out. So I wasn't asked to join."

The long-awaited "Mid-Century Modern" debuted on Hulu with a body count. Close to wrapping production, Linda Lavin passed away. Well, that put a crimp in the whole endeavor. That, and the fact that someone cast Matt Bomer on a sitcom known as the gay "Golden Girls" and only had him take off his shirt twice! Stop the insanity!

Queer Eye v2 has come to an end. Bobby Berk leaving the penultimate year was kinda like when Jane left The Go-Go's (look it up). But he's having the last laugh. Berk just announced a deal with HGTV to host "Junk or Jackpot", executive produced by John Cena.

Not a great year for Lil Nas X. First, he was struck with Bell's palsy. That led to canceling several performances, including the Outloud Music Festival in Los Angeles. He seemed to be on the mend until August 21st. At 4AM, he was seen walking (well, strutting) down Ventura Boulevard in Studio City clad in only white Speedo-style undies and white cowboy boots. At 6AM, Nas "charged at officers and was taken into custody". He was brought to a hospital to be checked out and then was formally charged with "resisting or obstructing an officer".

Billy Porter found himself in a precarious health crisis—the details of which have been disclosed to me after I swore an oath of secrecy. All I can tell you is that he's doing better. Rumor has it that a revival of "La Cage" with him as Albin is in the air. Interestingly, the only one not excited about the endeavor is Billy himself.

Didya know David Geffen got married? We learned that news when he filed for divorce! I wasn't surprised that his estranged spouse was a go-go boy, a former gay porn star, and a hooker. What DID surprise me was that they didn't have a prenup! They apparently met via a website and David paid $10K for the first "date"—the way all great love affairs have commenced since the beginning of time. Geffen later paid for dental and skin treatments along with some plastic surgery. Geffen also allegedly supplied "cocaine, molly and cannabis". Sign me up!

The coupling of Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton was even briefer. Appleton publicly took the high road. "You can love someone and there not be a forever happy ending. And just because it's not forever doesn't mean it didn't mean something." Lukas called getting married after dating for two months, "unhinged". "I don't know literally what went through my head, but we live and we learn." He said an NDA stopped him from saying more, but didn't stop him from writing a memoir—a questionable choice for any 30-year-old. "I Wrote This For Attention" was the most honest title of all time. He claims an ex gave him two STDs. Who is the ex? I dunno—I didn't read the book.

Back in June of 2024, gay porn superstar Austin Wolf's home was raided by the FBI. He awaited an arraignment for close to a year. I don't care who you are—sometimes you can have too much sex! After lengthy negotiations, he pled guilty to interstate commerce, enticing a minor to engage in activity in the facility of another individual, and oral sex with an individual younger than 17 years old.

After two years, gay porn legend Brent Corrigan resurfaced. Turns out he had a massive seizure back in 2023 and was on life support—at one point the hospital said "they weren't able to register any brain activity". Recuperation required learning how to walk, talk, eat, etc. We're told he's doing better every day.

Someone else wasn't so lucky. Legendary porn actor Colton Ford died during a hiking accident. Please, don't let Colton die in vain. Learn from this tragedy. Physical activity will KILL you!

One of the juiciest stories of 2025 was Tyler Perry being sued for $260 million. The complaint was filed by a hot actor, Derek Dixon... and he had receipts! Derek made Perry's acquaintance while cater waitering. Like virtually all cater waiters, he had a script to pitch. Perry was intrigued enough to cast Dixon in "Ruthless" and "The Oval". He even bought Derek a new Jeep! All was fine until Dixon spent a night in one of Perry's guest rooms and woke up to find himself the small spoon to Perry's significantly larger ladle! Derek enumerated all of the incidents in a sit-down with ABC News Live anchor Linsey Davis. Not one to take these matters lying down, Perry called the lawsuit "profoundly disappointing, cynical, and—most of all—false". His lawyers say that Perry "looks forward to refuting each and every false accusation in court."

Didya know Darren Criss is Asian? No? Me neither. Apparently 50% of his ethnicity is a mix of Chinese, Filipino and Spanish. I suppose that makes him Asian-ish, which may be how he got cast as a Korean robot in Broadway's "Maybe Happy Ending"—and if you find me a robot who can provide a happy ending, I don't care what ethnicity it is! Criss won the Tony, talked about "acceptance", and then left the show. He was replaced by Andrew Barth Feldman, who like Criss is not Korean (nor is he a robot, for that matter). He is, however, the boyfriend of the leading lady—which may have given him the edge. People got their robotic panties in a tizzy—how could a non-Korean play the role? The role previously played by a non-Korean. Suddenly Criss wasn't leaving the show—he was just going on vacation. If the Asians want to get upset about something, perhaps start by going after the non-Korean Criss. Oh, yeah, he's a name and got the show produced in the first place!

The "Ask Billy" question that stuck out was when I was asked about Anthony Boyle's nude scene in "House of Guinness". Was that really his semi-fluffed phallus? Anthony answered the question for me. "It's not a prosthetic. It's my own body". Oh, yes, the body is also impressive. Every inch of it can be found on BillyMasters.com.

When we're ending with a bang, it's time to wrap up another year of columns. I don't know about you, but I'm eagerly awaiting 2026—it couldn't be any worse (famous last words). But whatever the news, you'll find a unique perspective on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that can answer the question, "Why did Dame Joan cross the street?" If you've got a question of your own, send a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Tyler Perry's next accuser comes forward (which has already happened—but we'll tackle that next week). Until next year, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.