Opinion :: Guest Opinions
Different families by Sophie Brescia
contributing writerWednesday Jul 29, 2009 I may not be what you think of as a qualified advice columnist, but I have learned a few things growing up with my two moms in a small town outside of Boston. If you are wondering what it is like to be a 10-year-old living with two moms and a sister, I have some news for you.
Some people ask some very personal questions about your life, and other people look at you in funny ways. It’s important to stay true to yourself instead of changing your style just because other people are curious or nervous or uncomfortable around you and your family-even if they say mean things to you or about you. Here’s a few of the most common questions people ask me about my family.
At the top of the list, most people ask, "Why do you have two moms?"
I have two moms because they love each other and wanted to have a family. My sister and I were born in China. We’re not blood related and all that, but we love each other and are one family brought together because of these two people.
When my sister was very little her friends in pre-school thought she was lucky because she had two moms. If one went to the store, there was another mom still at home with them. As we got older, kids didn’t think two moms was as good a thing - especially if they are both telling you what to do at the same time.
Lots of people ask, "Where is your dad?" or "Why don’t you have a dad?" At first I used to think that I had to tell my whole family story when someone in a store or restaurant asked this question. As I got older I figured out that sometimes they didn’t want to know why I didn’t have a dad, they just were wondering what adult was with me that day. After a while, I became able to tell the difference between those questions and the ones that were nosier. Now if I get the nosy question, I just say: "I have two moms." And that is all.
Sometimes people ask me questions because they really are interested in my life or better understanding my family. You can tell by the tone of their voice which kind of people they are right away. If there’s almost an apology in their voice, they want to know. If there’s a snotty tone, you know they just want to make themselves feel better by making you feel uncomfortable.
Because my parents adopted my sister and me, some people also ask if I know my "real" parents. I tell them that my "real" moms are the ones who have taken care of me my whole life. I often feel pushed to talk about my birth parents, but don’t always want to. So I go with my own feelings.
When I walk down the street with my whole family, I’ve noticed that the people who give me the strangest looks are usually teenagers. Teenagers like everything to be the same, so until they grow out of that phase, I just ignore them.
Kids who have grown up around my family are usually nicer because they are not prejudiced about our kind of family. Grown-ups too.
Most important to remember, whenever anyone asks you a question, you only have to answer what you want and say what you are comfortable with. Always keep true to yourself.
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