Billy Masters 10.30.25

"I can definitely say that when we were shooting 'Lois & Clark', there was no Jesus...He's very with the cross now. But he was, like, drunk and sleeping with a lot of beautiful women and, you know, having a good time as the star of a TV show. There was no conservatism in him—at least not that was displayed to me."

- Teri Hatcher on Dean Cain joining ICE. She adds, "I'm not sitting here saying he's a bad guy, but, yes, he is doing things that I think are bad."

Could somebody please put Liza Minnelli under house arrest? Where are those Luft kids when you need 'em? Where's Lorna? Where's Joey? Don't get me wrong—I love Liza as much as any gay man (of a certain age). But there comes a time when you've got to make the hard choices. The last few years, she's shown up about as often as Halley's Comet, but these do nothing but tarnish a once-glorious career. Let's forget about the Oscars. Do you remember when she was honored on "RuPaul's Drag Race"? They wheeled out a gigantic easy chair with Liza kinda slumped in it—ringing those bells. She's a little bit of a thing—she looks like Edith Ann Minnelli! Perhaps because she doesn't have the musculature to sit up, she just slouched lower and lower into the chair. At one point, her legs were higher than her head, and I thought she was going to slide onto the floor. Liza Down!

I say all of this as a preamble to last week's Dancers Against Cancer Gala of Stars here in Beverly Hills. We all agree that Liza is the hoofer with a heart of gold. So, naturally, they called upon her to present the Icon Award to Janet Jackson—because when I think of Janet, I obviously think of Liza. A bunch of dancers were onstage doing Fosse-esque choreography. Suddenly, two of them spin around this giant thing—that turns out to be...you guessed it, a giant easy chair! And there she is—Liza Minnelli (more or less). And all of the people around her are dancing, and she kinda did some "jazz hands". Then she made sort of a speech—except I'm not entirely sure she knew where she was or who she was honoring. But she sure looked happy to be there and people were cheering. And all I was thinking is, "How are they getting this chair home? Does Michael Feinstein back up a truck and a couple of Teamsters drag the chair onto the back—with Liza still in it?" God knows, I truly believe that Liza has earned the right to do whatever she wants. And you can watch her "honoring" Janet Jackson on BillyMasters.com.

On to the story that keeps on giving—the David Geffen divorce. Last week, the mogul's estranged spouse David Armstrong withdrew his complaint that he had been "groomed". The document claimed that Geffen used seduction and control to entrap Armstrong. Wait—we're talking about David Geffen, right? Not that the 82-year-old can't be appealing—but seductive? Armstrong previously alleged that Geffen entrapped him in "a cycle of dependency, submission, and humiliation". While I have no reason to question the veracity of these allegations, I do think they say more about Armstrong than Geffen. You know what else speaks volumes? That the tabloids no longer refer to Armstrong as a hooker and a porn star. They now call him a "former go-go boy". Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Recently, Cybill Shepherd told "People" magazine that she had mended fences with both Bruce Willis and Christine Baranski. In a much-touted "exclusive interview", Cybill said, "It was time." One could argue it was well past time, but that's another story. When it came to Baranski, Shepherd added how the two were able to get to a better place in a most cryptic and grammatically curious statement: "Just a talk and be real open-hearted with each other." Well, that clears up...nothing, actually.

Don't read anything into the fact that Zac Efron hasn't shown up to see brother Dylan on "Dancing with the Stars". It's just he has better things to do. Really! When asked where Zac was, Dylan said, "Hey, he's doing his thing." He didn't even show up when Dylan danced to "Rewrite the Stars", which Zac sang with Zendaya. "Zac's always taken care of me and he did things that were so selfless," said Dylan. Except for brave LA traffic, apparently.

The Broadway production of "Chicago" likes to rotate people in and out of the role of Roxie—typically in between Charlotte d'Amboise appearances (she's played Roxie over 2,500 times). Of course, our pal Roz Ryan has played Matron "Mama" Morton close to two thousand times. And now, they're welcoming a new and not particularly matronly Mama. Our very own Alex Newell will join the Broadway cast on November 17th. Newell, of course, made history as the first openly non-binary performer to win an acting Tony back in 2023 for "Shucked". This isn't one of those hit-and-run gigs. Alex will be playing Mama through the holidays and depart on January 11th.

Following up on a trend I noted in a recent column, Ben Platt has announced a residency. He'll be playing the Ahmanson Theatre in LA. From December 12th through the 21st, he'll do 10 performances. I remember when a residency was weeks or months. I guess technically this is a residency—but I still say it's on the cusp.

Rather than tour with her holiday show, this year Mariah Carey will have a "residency" of her own...in Las Vegas. "Mariah Carey's Christmastime in Las Vegas" will also run for 10 performances at the Dolby Live from November 28th through December 13th. If you go, please do me a favor. I've been concerned for Mariah's well-being. In the past, I'd note that she'd wear dresses that were about five sizes too small. This required her to kinda shuffle around—because if she took a normal-size step, she'd burst out of her outfit and take out the first three rows. Lately I've noticed that her head no longer moves. It's not like she's had bad Botox. It's more like she's got a stiff neck. For her to turn her head, she has to start at her toes and work her way up. So, if you see her, report back to me.

We're getting the best Christmas gift courtesy of the BBC-a reunion of Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley! Ever since the "Absolutely Fabulous Inside Out" special in 2024, the consensus is that we'd seen the end of the gruesome twosome. Well, think again. Alas, they won't be reprising their "AbFab" characters. Joanna is a regular on the BBC series "Amandaland", which is a sequel to "Motherland" (which I realize doesn't clear up anything for you Yanks!). Lumley plays Amanda's glamorous and oppressive mother, Felicity. For the Christmas special, they will be visited by Felicity's sister, Joan, played by Miss Saunders. The character is described as "a ball of country-living, enthusiastic upper-class bluster—very different from Felicity". One can only assume hilarity will ensue.

This week's "Ask Billy" question came from Gerald in Maine: "What do you know about Max Parker on 'Boots'?"

Gerald has got his finger on the pulse of something, because last week the ratings for "Boots" on Netflix doubled! Since not everyone reading this column has watched it, let me first tell you that "Boots" is about a closeted teenager who joins the Marines back in the 1990s—well before "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (and certainly before it was repealed). That means "Boots" shows you lots of hot guys running around boot camp in and out of showers—or at least that's what it looked like in the clip I saw. The young recruit is played by Miles Heizer. Max plays his "drill sergeant"—oh, so that's what they call it these days. He can drill me anytime—especially because the lovely Mr. Parker is indeed gay. Alas, he's married. Well, you win some, you lose some. He met actor Kris Mochrie on the set of "Emmerdale" in the UK, got engaged in 2022, and married this past summer. Did I mention that they played brothers on the soap? I've heard of brotherly love, but this is ridiculous. Going back to "Boots", Max is paired with the very fetching Sachin Bhatt, who you might recognize from "Queer As Folk". Should you care, Max is the big spoon—as you'll see on BillyMasters.com.

When I'm ladling out such hot stuff, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. We're all over the place this week. From Liza to Christmas to Don't Ask, Don't Tell. My God, if the Garland-Luft-Gumm-Minnelli family believed in that, none of them would have gotten married! If you want someone who will ask and tell and even show, check out www.BillyMasters.com—the site that doesn't hold anything back. If you have a question for me, drop a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Liza joins the cast of "The Voice"—and brings her own chair! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.