Why LGBTQ+ Parents Must Again Lead in the Fight for Marriage Equality

Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis has made headlines with her recent petition asking the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn marriage equality. While most LGBTQ+ legal experts I've read are doubtful the court will take her case, opponents of equality are clearly on the attack. While I cannot predict the outcome of this fight, I do know that we LGBTQ+ parents and our children were at the forefront of winning marriage equality, and must lead again in its defense.

First, let's take a look back. The majority of the plaintiff couples who won marriage equality in Massachusetts, the first U.S. state to legalize it, were parents, including lead plaintiffs Hillary and Julie Goodridge. One of the reasons the women chose to become involved in the case was that because they had no legal relationship, Hillary was not allowed to visit their daughter in the NICU after Julie gave birth "under harrowing circumstances," related GLAD Law in a blog post (May 3, 2024).

Marriage equality opponents, however, held that marriage should be restricted to different-sex couples, in large part because they claimed children need a mother and a father. And in 2008, during the Proposition 8 battle for marriage equality in California, opponents tried to scare people by saying that marriage equality would require that students learn about homosexuality in schools—as if that were a bad thing. Prop 8 passed, and same-sex couples were blocked from marriage.

Marriage equality advocates, however, worked hard to transform the "think of the children" argument from a reason to oppose marriage equality into a reason to support it. This effort included a "Voices of Children" amicus brief filed by Family Equality and COLAGE in the 2013 U.S. Supreme Court Windsor v. U.S. case that struck down part of the Defense of Marriage Act. In the brief, children of same-sex parents explained how the lack of marriage equality harmed them and their families. Justice Anthony Kennedy cited the brief in his decision, writing, "[The Defense of Marriage Act] humiliates tens of thousands of children now being raised by same-sex couples.... [and] makes it even more difficult for the children to understand the integrity and closeness of their own family and its concord with other families in their community and in their daily lives."

Variations of that argument were then used in every other federal win for marriage equality, including the U.S. Supreme Court's 2015 ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges, which made marriage equality the law across the country. As in Goodridge, most of the Obergefell plaintiffs were parents; one couple had even begun their legal journey seeking only to adopt their children, not to marry. And the "Voices of Children" brief was submitted again in Obergefell, this time co-filed with Kinsey Morrison, a Kentucky teen who had two moms.

In Obergefell, Kennedy expanded on the theme, saying, "Without the recognition, stability, and predictability marriage offers, their children [of same-sex couples] suffer the stigma of knowing their families are somehow lesser. They also suffer the significant material costs of being raised by unmarried parents, relegated through no fault of their own to a more difficult and uncertain family life. The marriage laws at issue here thus harm and humiliate the children of same-sex couples."

Despite this assertion, Kennedy went on to address one of the leading arguments against marriage equality, that marriage is entirely about procreation. He explained, "This does not mean that the right to marry is less meaningful for those who do not or cannot have children. Precedent protects the right of a married couple not to procreate, so the right to marry cannot be conditioned on the capacity or commitment to procreate."

But although one can be married without being a parent and be a parent without being married, there is obviously frequent overlap. And even if Davis's lawsuit does not succeed, I fear that marriage equality opponents will not soon give up. We married LGBTQ+ parents (and those who seek to be), must therefore take steps not only to protect our own families but also to sway public opinion. We (and our children who are old enough) must be as visible as we safely can and keep sharing—with our friends, neighbors, elected officials, and the media—the stories of how marriage has had or will have a positive impact on our families.

No, I don't like that we're still having to fight for our families in addition to simply raising and reveling in them—but I also know that we have to do so, not only for ourselves, but also for the generations to come. As the "Voices of Children" brief said, "If society benefits when the state encourages adults to form, and raise children within, committed relationships, it suffers when the state tells LGBT youth—the next generation of LGBT parents—that the families they may build are beneath the law's notice."

This is the time to take action. For ourselves, for our children, and for all in the generations to come, who will benefit when every person and every family is equal under the law.

Need a place to start? I recommend visiting GLAD Law's helpful Web page at gladlaw.com/marriage, which provides information about the current state of marriage equality, explains how to secure your family relationships, and offers a way to share your story (anonymously, if desired).

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a two-time GLAAD Media Award-winning blog for LGBTQ+ parents plus a searchable database of 1,800+ LGBTQ+ family books.