Billy Masters 07.10.25

Lies, Lies, Lies. No, this doesn't have anything to do with that bill (which sullies the name of Bill for us all). It's not even political. It's about those nefarious folks who run CVS. Sure, it's great to pick up a prescription allegedly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week—in theory. But when I showed up at one such branch to pick up some medication for my ailing father, do you know what I was told? "Come back in a half hour—we always close the pharmacy for lunch!" So, I looked on Google, on their app, even on the sign at the desk. You know what it didn't say? Closed for lunch! It said 24/7, not 23.5 hours a day. In fact, the app said, "Open Now". LIARS!

A dear friend claims that Meryl Streep has what he called a "Golden Rule"—she doesn't do sequels. But has she actually ever said that? Because I can't find any evidence of it. She did say she isn't particularly interested in sequels because she likes to create new characters. That was clearly before she did the "Mamma Mia!" sequel. In that instance, she claims to have done it because she loved the people and "it was so much fun". Maybe that's why she's filming "The Devil Wears Prada 2". Shooting began last week in New York. We hear that Miranda needs ad revenue for the flailing "Runway", and Emily is now heading a luxury ad agency. Will Andy help broker a deal? How is Miranda's latest marriage to Kenneth Branagh? And who exactly is Nigel sleeping with? Stay tuned.

Proving anything is possible, Vin Diesel claims that the next "Fast and the Furious" flick will not only be the last in the franchise, it will also star Paul Walker! Paul Walker, who died in 2013 (at the peak of his gorgeousness)? We're told he'll come back courtesy of CGI. If that's the case, CGI me in the audience, 'cause I'm not going.

We've all heard there will be another "Fockers" flick—but don't count on Barbra showing up. While she's amused that Ariana Grande has been cast, Streisand was pretty blunt when asked about it by the convalescing Marc Malkin: "They'd have to pay me a lot of money because I didn't get paid what the other people got paid and so I'm pissed off. I was in the time when women were getting paid less than the men. The head of Universal was Ron Meyer at the time, and he actually sent me a bonus check. It was very sweet." I find it hard to believe Blythe got more than Barbra!

Here's a reunion with a twist—literally. Michelle Williams and Mike Faist have been cast in an off-Broadway revival of "Anna Christie". Now, follow this connection. Michelle Williams was in "Brokeback Mountain" with husband Heath Ledger. Heath's love interest was played by Jake Gyllenhaal. When "Brokeback" was mounted (so to speak) as a play in London, Jake's role of Jack Twist was played by...Mike Faist! Bing, bang, boom, Michelle's latest love interest is the love interest of her deceased husband. Kinda...

Since I'm a creature of habit, I took a quick drive down to Provincetown to see Varla Jean Merman's latest offering, "The Drowsy Chappell Roan". Fans of last year's "Errors Tour" will be tickled to find Varla has moved on from Taylor to seamlessly shaft a slew of sappy singers—from Chappell to people like Sabrina Carpenter, Billie Eilish, Dua Lipa, Miley Cyrus, and even Trudie Styler (Mrs. Sting to you). Trust me, nobody is spared—including R. Kelly, P. Diddy, and even people with two full names! The parodies are as sharp as ever, and the visuals are outstanding. The secret weapon? No, not Varla's dog Jasper. It's Merman's long-suffering assistant, Brian, who manages to top himself—a skill much in demand in Provincetown. What is a Varla show without a touching ending—and this one touched me in a very special place...or was that the waiter. It's a fast, frolicking, rip-roaring show with some outrageous costumes, clever insights, and a whole lotta laughs. She'll be at The Crown and Anchor (OnlyAtTheCrown.com) through September 20th. And then, she hits the road!

Speaking of touring, the Jonas Brothers planned their large-scale "Greetings From Your Hometown" tour this summer and fall. But demand hasn't exactly been what they anticipated, which led to some of the venues being...well, "downsized". The show at LA's Dodger Stadium will now take place at the Intuit Dome in Inglewood. The Philly show at Citizens Bank Park will now take place at the Freedom Mortgage Pavilion. Chicago's Wrigley Field has moved to Tinley Park's Credit Union 1 Amphitheatre. And the DC show at Nationals Park will now slide into Jiffy Lube Live. Sometimes you can't go home again.

Last week, the new production of "Evita" opened in London. And, as long as you don't mind seeing the hit song sung on a video screen, I suppose it's fine. You'd be forgiven if you thought this was a rehash of "Sunset Blvd"—no sets, leads in underwear and blood. It just screams Nicole Scherzinger. Once Scherzy wraps up on Broadway, she's taking her show on the road—her solo show, that is. While details are as scant as her outfits, we know a few details. We already announced she's playing Carnegie Hall on October 8th at 8PM (something tells me there could be a midnight "adult-only" show). Typically, performers like to try out their material out of town. So Nicole will run through the show on October 6th...at the Royal Albert Hall in London! Then she hits Disney Hall in Los Angeles on October 30th. We're told talk of a Vegas residency is ongoing.

Last month, a live stage musical based on Disney's animated feature "Hercules" began previews at London's Drury Lane Theatre. Advanced word has been mixed, but certainly the titular Hercules does not disappoint. In fact, his titulars are in full view for most of the evening in costumes that appear to have come out of a vintage "International Male" catalogue. I am certainly the last one to say anything against a white mesh tank top. But I'm just not sure it has anything to do with Ancient Greece, or even the musical "Grease". Actor Luke Brady looks good in what little garb he's wearing, but his preening and likeable smile seem straight out of an audition for a Pepsodent commercial! Still, he can sing, as you'll see on BillyMasters.com.

I can't help but think the producers missed the boat when it came to casting. Sexy Zane Phillips has actually coveted the role and was hoping to get a call. "I would love to do it. It's so funny like, I have a musical theater background. I've sung that song in a weird, random cabaret before. Yeah, I love that movie." Needless to say, the song he's talking about is "Go the Distance", and because we know you'll ask, you can see (and hear) Zane tackle the little ditty on BillyMasters.com.

Since we're discussing the UK (perfect for our post-Fourth of July column), we got the following "Ask Billy" question from Randy in London: "What do you think about the controversy regarding Dermot O'Leary's bulge?"

Dermot O'Leary is a popular British presenter and formerly hosted "The X Factor". Once on "Loose Women" (a rip-off of "The View"), he was asked what he wore to bed. "Normally I'm a commando guy, but the last couple of weeks or so it's been so cold, I've got a nice little pair of lounge pants and a loose-fitting T-shirt". You'll note he didn't mention any undies, which brings us to the latest story. After hosting "This Morning" last week, the network got complaints from viewers who claimed they were seeing a bit too much of Dermot. They were divided regarding his choice of underwear. A large portion thought along these lines: "Dermot has definitely got Y-front/briefs on to get a bulge like that," said one, while another said, "Very risky with such loose clothing." On the other side, the comments were more like this: "Does Dermot not wear underwear? Lord, it's flapping about like a windsock," and "OMG! Is Dermot O'Leary not wearing any underwear today? Something doesn't look right." Looks perfectly fine to me, but you can decide for yourself when you see him on BillyMasters.com.

When we're picturing Luke and Zane going the distance...together, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Talk about fast and furious! I think "This Morning" should do a special spot promoting "Hercules". That way, Dermot and Luke can discuss undergarments. To see your favorites in and out of undies, check out www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never fakes it. If you have a question, send it along to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Babs is CGIed into the next "Fockers" flick! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.