Arts :: Billy Masters
Hawaiian hottie gets gay porn deal by Billy Masters
contributing writerTuesday Apr 27, 2010 "With all due respect to Rupert, you can blame a lack of advancement in your career on all kinds of things, for a myriad of reasons. So I don’t think he can specifically pinpoint one reason why something might be stalling for him." - Neil Patrick Harris gives his impressions on Rupert Everett’s lack of professional opportunities. And for years you people thought it was just me!
Dying is easy, comedy is hard. Truer words were never uttered, and certainly this resonates with Ryan Seacrest -- a man who knows precious little about utters. The diminutive "American Idol" host had what some might call an "off night." Odd quips with Adam Lambert, questionable dancing with a guy in the audience, and all the energy of an inmate with a 24-hour furlough. Still, he opted to go forward with a joke (one of the rare pre-scripted ones) claiming that season one co-host Brian Dunkleman would participate in "Idol Gives Back." Seacrest thought it would get a laugh, but what it got was applause -- people were happy to hear Dunkleman was returning! When Ryan said it was a joke -- silence. First rule of comedy -- know your audience.
Believe it or not, Ryan wasn’t the least funny thing on television last week. That distinction, dubious as it may be, has to go to the new Alyssa Milano "sitcom" (and we use that term loosely) "Romantically Challenged." If you ask me, the show is comedically challenged -- and I love me some Alyssa! I know you shouldn’t judge a show on its pilot, but I don’t believe I’ve ever sat through a more painful 30 minutes in my life -- and I’ve had a root canal!
Remember "Idol" alum David Archuleta? Apparently, many people out there think he’s gay. Those whispers became a full-blown rumor once Archie was spotted at a NYC gay bar. In fact, he was at the club to see his friend Charice perform. The bloggers went crazy, prompting Davey to post on Twitter: "Wasn’t my kind of place lol, and I had no clue! I guess you live and learn. The upside was that Charice was awesome." He did take this opportunity to drag out that old chestnut: "I have friends who are gay, and they’re great people." Gee, thanks.
On the positive side, "Idol" did bring us Kris Allen, who was spotted at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas last week. That means we got some sexy pics of him shirtless, which we’ll happily post on BillyMasters.com.
Between money problems, creative problems, and casting problems, I’m not entirely convinced that "Spider-Man: The Musical" will ever surface. The latest casualty is Alan Cumming, who has left the production to become a series regular on "The Good Wife." Last month, the Bono-penned musical lost leading lady Evan Rachel Wood, who cited "scheduling difficulties." When Evan Rachel Wood has better options, it may be time to pull the plug.
Remember when David Hasselhoff left "America’s Got Talent" for other professional opportunities? Who would have imagined that one of them would be a return to "The Young and the Restless"? But that’s exactly what he’s doing. In addition to his upcoming A&E reality show, he’ll reprise the role of "Snapper" on "Y&R" this summer.
You know what Patton Oswalt won’t be doing this summer? Working. The funny man, who is rumored to have been the catalyst for Megan Mullally’s departure from the now-aborted Broadway production of "Lips Together, Teeth Apart," can now add a TV show to his list of aborted gigs. Last week, it was announced that Patton would join Matthew Broderick and Kristen Johnston in a sitcom pilot called "Beach Lane." However, after the table reading for the brass, he allegedly "quit" after producers offered him a different role in the show. Sure, he quit -- and Brian Dunkleman left "Idol" of his own accord. Stop the spinning -- I’m getting dizzy...
Alas, these splits aren’t the only ones we have to report about. Only days after I cavorted with porn’s dynamic duo Aden and Jordan Jaric at the White Party, the committed and monogamous Falcon couple announced they are kaput. Both changed their Facebook status to single -- which is akin to sending out a press release these days.
Melissa Etheridge and the former Tammy Lynn Michaels have also separated. Rumors state that the split occurred when Tammy discovered Etheridge was cheating on her. Intriguingly, Melissa has intimated that her relationship with Julie Cypher ended when Julie had an affair with kd lang. See? It’s not just gay men who are horny.
Then there’s the Larry King break-up. If there’s anything I love more than a celebrity sex scandal, it’s when someone who is dead from the waist down is sleeping with his wife’s sister, while the wife is sleeping with the children’s’ baseball coach and saying not to worry about her husband -- "He’ll be dead soon." It’s like an embarrassment of riches -- and I don’t embarrass easily!
In case anyone was wondering why the Farrah Fawcett tribute at the TV Land Awards was done by Jaclyn Smith and Cheryl Ladd, we’re told that Kate Jackson was slated to participate but pulled out at the last minute. "Emotionally, it was simply too soon for me to join my co-stars." On the other hand, people say that Kate’s nuts.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Chris in Hawaii: "I’m a student at the University of Hawaii and one of my classmates has been posting photos and videos of himself going all over campus (including classrooms) and taking videos jerking off and posting them online. I know the school was considering throwing him out, but I never heard what happened. Now one of my friends tells me the guy got a gay porn deal. Can you find out the details?"
The alleged "Speedo Student" is a 22-year-old senior at the University of Hawaii in Manoa named Tim. He’s a history major and has been going into classrooms after hours to take nude photos and jerk-off videos. Now, I will add that he claims to always clean up after himself -- although there are some suspect stains in the photos we have. Tim considers this "exhibitionism" -- but is it really exhibitionism if no one is there? Show me a video of him jerking off in front of a Calculus class, and maybe I’ll be impressed.
What the controversy did was get Tim a gay porn deal. Last week, he shot his first DVD for Dink Flamingo. He was flown to San Diego and shot four scenes -- two jerk-off scenes and two hardcore scenes. Tim’s partners were Kaden Saylor and a newer model named Shawn. Not surprisingly, Tim bottomed for both. During his scene with Shawn, he says, "Now I know what it feels like to have an 8-inch cock stuck into me...yikes! I’m told it was entertaining to watch though." A star is born! Of Kaden, he says, "I did enjoy him fucking me more, because his smaller cock was better suited to my smaller body." I’m sure he meant that as a compliment! Until the videos are available on ActiveDuty.com, I’ll run some choice footage and stills on BillyMasters.com.
When Idol’s giving back to everyone except Dunkleman, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Once again, I have more stories than I can fit into the confines of this column -- at least in print. The solution? Check out www.BillyMasters.com for all the dish that’s not necessarily fit to print. If you’ve got a question, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Speedo Student goes for his Master’s in Sex Ed! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
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