Arts :: Billy Masters
NPH returns to "Rent" by Billy Masters
contributing writerTuesday Mar 9, 2010 "Pamela Anderson, she’s a little top heavy." - Apolo Anton Ohno tells Jay Leno why he thinks the "Baywatch" star won’t do so well on "Dancing With The Stars." That may be true, Apolo, but I bet she’ll be popular with the crew!
Hours before filing this column, I was in a West Hollywood establishment that shall remain nameless and ran into Olympic gold medalist Evan Lysacek. I’d give you more details about where we were and what we were doing, but I believe celebs deserve a modicum of privacy...but only a modicum. He’s very soft spoken and has a slighter build than I expected. But he’s just as hot in person as he is in those shirtless pics we ran on BillyMasters.com, which should give you a clue as to where we were.
One thing Johnny Weir’s never been called is soft spoken. And maybe he too has a WeHo connection. Am I the only one who thinks he bears a striking resemblance to Bobby Trendy? Maybe it’s both boys’ penchant for pink! While the Olympian has been cagey about his personal life, he’s toying with going on the record -- on his own terms, of course. Weir is planning to write his autobiography: "I have so many stories. I’ve got so much dirt that I need to get out of me, and so many dealings behind the scenes in this sport, and how cutthroat it really is." Juicy!
You should be very careful when you put anything in print -- sometimes it causes problems. Take Maureen McCormick from "The Brady Bunch." In her autobiography, she implied that she and TV sis Eve Plumb had a lesbian affair. Plumb has denied the allegation and has since refused to have anything to do with Maureen. This schism caused the cancellation of a proposed reunion on "The Today Show," which last week did a series of "Great TV Families Reunited" (apparently I’m the only one who thinks they should have called Geri Reischl who replaced Eve in "The Brady Bunch Hour.") Susan Olsen, the youngest one in curls, said: "I do understand Eve’s point of view. She got tired of Maureen gaining attention for herself by regurgitating the tiresome and false insinuations that they had a lesbian affair." Then Plumb’s representative chimed in, saying there’s no feud -- Eve simply opted out because she was just in NYC last month and wasn’t interested in flying back for a brief appearance on "The Today Show." I don’t know what I have more trouble believing -- that Eve Plumb turned down a job and free trip to NYC, or that she can afford to have someone on the payroll.
One of the other families reunited was "The Partridge Family," and this led to a particularly awkward moment when Danny Bonaduce blurted that he didn’t miss the absent Susan Dey. This was after David Cassidy said, "If you’re out there, Susan, we still love you." I guess he should have asked his TV siblings before he said "we." But the most priceless moment of that reunion was when Al Roker asked the Partridge kids, "What would you all be doing now if you hadn’t been on the show?" I guess Roker wasn’t paying attention moments earlier when Suzanne Crough (who played "Tracy") revealed that she is currently the manager at her local Office Max! Believe it or not, Al, Suzanne’s illustrious past probably didn’t factor into landing her current gig. Playing the triangle on "The Partridge Family" only goes so far on a resume!
Is there a job that Neil Patrick Harris can’t handle? It’s been a stellar year filled with acting on a sitcom, hosting award shows, and filling in for Regis Philbin (when Anderson Cooper isn’t available). Next, he’ll be returning to the hit musical "Rent." Although he’s previously played the role of "Mark," he’s been tapped to direct a semi-staged production of the show this summer at the Hollywood Bowl. He also narrated a documentary for PBS called "Through a Dog’s Eyes" which is about service dogs. As if that wasn’t enough, he’s also been cast as the lead in "Smurfs: The Movie." But have no fear -- he won’t be donned in blue like some shrunken extra from "Avatar." He’s actually slated to play the live action lead opposite animated "Smurfs." Ah, the glamorous life...
Adam Lambert has raised some eyebrows during his brief time in the spotlight. But now there’s something even more scandalous -- he was caught kissing a woman! Well, not just any woman -- pop star Ke$ha. "She’s really pretty and we were laughing and we just started kissing. It was pretty innocent, to be honest with you. I mean, it wasn’t too dirty." Maybe he’ll show up at the White Party in Palm Springs -- where Ke$ha is headlining. More on that later...
Since we brought up "American Idol," let’s get to the story that everyone has been e-mailing me about. This week’s "Ask Billy" question comes from Rod in Miami: "What do you know about that hot guy on ’American Idol’ who was kicked off but brought back? I saw a shirtless pic of him and he’s gorgeous. I just wish he could sing!"
I actually think Tim Urban can sing quite well. OK, maybe not during these live shows, but in the auditions, he was one of my early favorites -- enough so that we became Facebook friends. So, baby, I was well ahead of the curve and saw his shirtless pics weeks ago. And, yes, he has an AMAZING body (to say nothing of the face and that hair). But it pains me to tell you this -- he’s one of those Christian singers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that -- I love Christian singers. And the Christians love "Idol." Did you know that in last year’s "AI" top 13, six of the contestants were very vocal Christians? Two of those people were in the top three -- and one of ’em won.
The reason I bring this up is because we have those sizzling hot pics of Tim Urban BECAUSE he’s Christian! He’s very active in the AMTC, which stands for (get ready for this one, kids) "Actors, Models & Talent for Christ." I couldn’t make this shit up! Oh, it gets better. In addition to taking part in last summer’s annual AMTC Singer/Songwriter Competition, he also participated in the AMTC Swimsuit Competition -- because nothing says "I loves me some Jesus" more than being half-naked in front of some horny holy rollers! Lordy, Lordy! Needless to say, the Christians are organized and are hell-bent (so to speak) to push Tim to the top. Given their track record (they also claim responsibility for keeping that blind guy around so long last year), they may have that power. After all, the Lord works in mysterious ways...especially in a swimsuit competition. You know Jesus wants me to post all of these hot pics on BillyMasters.com -- and he wants you to go and check ’em out.
When guys are stripping for Jesus, it’s definitely time for me to end yet another column. Is it just me or are people simply insane? Models for Christ? Lambert kissing a girl? It’s a world gone mad. Obviously the only safe haven is www.BillyMasters.com. As I said earlier, Ke$ha will be at Jeffrey Sanker’s White Party -- as will your very own humble scribe (and perhaps an Olympian or two). To get in on the fun, check out the link from my website or go to www.JeffreySanker.com. If you’ve got a question for moi, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Eve Plumb applies for one of those management jobs at Office Max! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
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