“I’d probably say Lenny [Kravitz], only because, like, the cool, like, artist kind of thing. And he’s just rock and roll through and through. That is just...he’s got it goin’ on.”
– Josh Hutcherson reveals who his gay crush would be out of his “Hunger Games” co-stars. I suppose that leaves me free to choose from Liam Hemsworth and Sam Claflin, to say nothing of Alan Ritchson. I guess I’d have to hold auditions.
Did you know we just celebrated a milestone? It was 10 years ago that Massachusetts legalized gay marriage, becoming the first state in the union to do so. Since then, the world hasn’t come to an end, a plague hasn’t befallen us, and nary a locust has been spotted. Although I suspect the unexpected rise of the House of Kardashian was something not even Nostradamus could have predicted.
Gay marriage in Massachusetts is also in the news for a different reason. This story revolves around Frank Schaefer, a pastor at the Methodist Church of Iona in South Lebanon Township, Pennsylvania. Way back in 2007, Schaefer officiated at the ceremony of his son to another man, which took place in Massachusetts. This enraged some members of his home parish. As it turns out, officiating over a same-sex marriage (even out of state and not in the church) is against church law. Some parishioners brought action against their pastor, which led to a church trial —not unlike the Salem Witch Trials. Before the ruling, Schaefer was asked by the prosecutor to “repent your actions” and to never perform a homosexual union again. Schaefer responded, “I cannot.” Then the punishment was delivered —Schaefer was suspended for 30 days and told that if he didn’t adhere to church law in the future, he’d be permanently defrocked (I was defrocked once, but that’s another story). Schaefer, who wore a rainbow-colored stole on the witness stand, stated, “I feel I have to be an advocate —an outspoken advocate—for all lesbian, gay, transgender and bisexual people.” I suspect we haven’t heard the end of this story.
The biggest debate about same-sex marriage is coming from the Cheney family. In case you haven’t been keeping track, Dick and Lynne Cheney have two daughters—Mary, who is gay (and married to a woman), and Liz, who is not. The sisters have been estranged ever since Liz made some statements while running for Wyoming Senate. During her campaign for the 2014 election, she reaffirmed her belief in “traditional marriage” and was asked specifically about her sister’s marriage. “I love Mary very much. I love her family very much. This is just an issue in which we disagree.” Well, that pushed Mary’s buttons. She Tweeted: “Liz, this isn’t just an issue on which we disagree —you’re just wrong —and on the wrong side of history.” Then the Cheney parents chimed in: “This is an issue we have dealt with privately for many years, and we are pained to see it become public. Since it has, one thing should be clear. Liz has always believed in the traditional definition of marriage. She has also always treated her sister and her sister’s family with love and respect, exactly as she should have done.” It should be noted that the former vice president and his wife have come out in favor of same-sex marriage.
I’ve previously told you about the grim prognosis for Katie Couric’s talk show. Despite a poor showing during its inaugural season, ABC renewed the show for one reason—to keep Katie locked into her two-year contract. The network had hoped to transition her into helming “The View” once Barbara Walters retired. There was one thing they didn’t consider—Babs doesn’t want Katie. Why? Even after she retires, Walters will remain an executive producer—which would make her Katie’s boss. That was a recipe for disaster for everyone (including Katie, who my sources say would only take the job if she also became a producer —a maneuver Rosie tried). With Couric’s options limited, where will she go? As ludicrous as this sounds, I’m told she’s planning to helm a chat show for Yahoo—which shares content with ABC (well, that explains a lot). Allegedly, Katie will be part of Yahoo’s homepage, so there’s a search engine I’ll never use again.
After being wooed by numerous networks, Anderson Cooper just signed a new contract with CNN which locks him in through the 2016 presidential election. In addition to his nightly show, “AC360”, he’ll continue to be a roving reporter for the network. The new contract also allows him to continue as a contributor to “60 Minutes”. There was one clause in this new contract which sounds like Anderson could very well attempt a new daytime talk show for CNN. Could this be the hush-hush project he and Kathy Griffin shot a pilot for a few months ago? Maybe we’ll find out during the dynamic duo’s New Year’s Eve special.
And now, it’s time for my favorite feature of the year: Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions! Each week until the end of the year, I will share some of my favorite things which could help make someone’s holiday bright (unless they are Jewish, in which case “Happy Thanksgiving” will suffice). First up is a repeat from last year, but certainly appropriate this week. The “2014 Orthodox Calendar” features sexy priests and monks stripping down for your more pious contemplation. Although gay marriage is against the Eastern Orthodox faith, this year’s calendar is dedicated to the dream of many gay Orthodox people—to get married in their own church (a dream I must admit I have - assuming I date someone long enough to even show them the church). The calendar’s captions are as titillating as the models —such as this bit of prose for the cover: “When Father Aleksandar is lucky enough to be able to stay late in bed, he enjoys reading the Bible; his mornings are generally hard.” And trust me, once you see Father Aleksandar, you’ll pray that the Orthodox Church installs confessionals, like their Catholics counterparts. And wait until you see Father Aleksandar in January, where he is pictured in intense prayer—on his stomach! Proving that the spiritual are also savvy, they are charging 16.99 EUR for the regular calendar, and 29.00 EUR for one of the 100 limited edition uncensored calendars! You can get yours at Orthodox-Calendar.com.
Lastly, we hear that the Peters Twins have broken up. This would be Elijah and Milo Peters, the twins who have been doing gay porn for Bel Ami. And we hear it was quelle drama—or however you’d say it in Bratislavan. The company didn’t renew their contract once they discovered that one of the twins did a bisexual scene for a rival website. At least, that’s the official reason. It probably didn’t help that various US law enforcement agencies were investigating the site because the footage violates most states’ incest laws. Bel Ami didn’t need that headache, so the Peters peters were deleted tout de suite. Since then, Milo has made the most buzz. First came reports that he has a girlfriend who also “models”. Then up popped an escorting profile (which is a no-no while working for Bel Ami) where he lists himself as bisexual but offers his services to other men with this charming phrase: “I’m for every fun”. I bet he is! As for Elijah, we hear he has reunited with the rest of his family— sans twin. This means that, for the time being, my baby Bobby Clark remains the luckiest man alive—as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.
When brothers who play together don’t stay together, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. What a diverse column. A little bit of everything, to keep your spirits bright. That’s what we do at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that stuffs more than your stocking. If you’ve got a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before those crazy Methodists accuse their pastor of being in cahoots with Tituba! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
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